I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just high enough for therapy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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