does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
