Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize