It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Randomize
