Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
