there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
