I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
