A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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