PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
