drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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