Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
