I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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