apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize