i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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