You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
