ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
