Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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