I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I deserve this hangover.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
