Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
