i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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