We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So much Jack, so little girl.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize