Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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