FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
