Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
