yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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