She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize