What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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