Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
