the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
