I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
