Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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