Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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