I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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