first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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