Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
