my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
