We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
