Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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