we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
