I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
