so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
