omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
