great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
