im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
