literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
