Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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