I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
