It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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