I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
