So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize