so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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