I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
