i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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