Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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