I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
