Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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