just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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