just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
