I wish I could punch you in the face.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
