Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
