so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
