I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
