we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
