I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
tell me about the eggs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
