He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
