Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
