Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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