i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
